14 Nov Maybe
Perhaps frees me. Maybe brightens me. The possibilities make my heart sing. Everyday I find more options, more opportunities and more blessings all around me. Perhaps I am free. Maybe I am bright. I have been covered in a shell made up by the words spoken over me. This has held me in place, sticking me in a box I felt I did not belong but was unaware I had the choice to leave until recently. I feel electric, unstoppable. Maybe I will come back from this. Perhaps I can recover.
A few days ago we had the opportunity to visit a self sustaining farm, which was an incredible experience but on a more personal level, my day was made by having a great conversation with the lady running it. Her name was Butti, she enlightened me on her life and held a conversation with me for most of the day. We had a wonderful day talking and learning but it was so much more than that to me. This moment sparked a chain reaction filling my days with more encounters like this. I chatted and I worked. I met Jeb and made a bond, learning about her life while she rubbed my back as I threw up on the side of a highway. A man named Win tried to teach me Muay Thai laughing with me as I fell around foolishly. All of these moments lead to a bigger understanding that I do have the power to be with people, to laugh with them. I do have the right to ask questions and not be judged. I understand this lesson will take time to settle in and affect all areas of my life but dear lord make it as fast as you can. I am exhausted of feeling lesser than. I no longer want the weight of feeling that I am not enough. The time I have had with the people mentioned above has taught me so many things, but the main thing these encounters have in common is the warmth my heart glows with afterwards.
* All photos taken by Brandon Conley